My year in the rough

Well, the end is here.  Perhaps, if billboards are to be believed, the end of all things.  The good news about going to grad school in Texas is you’re never too far from a gun show, so a couple of us are popping over to Frisco tomorrow morning to see about equipping ourselves for whatever may come.  I am thinking of something semi-auto with some kind of bitchin’ under-barrel grenade launcher.  Gotta spend that scholarship money on something. 

Mostly, though, I’m concerned about stepping out of the job of assistant fiction editor and into the job of production editor.  Today I took home the last of the fiction submissions and finished up paring down the stack of second reads to something manageable for Miro and Barb.  My good friend Matt Davis is taking over, so I’m not really worried (in fact, I’m sure he’ll do a much better job).  The talented and charming Laura Miller has already taken over the blogging, so I’m not really worried there, either (in fact, I’m sure she’ll do a much better job, and I’ll still be doing a little piece here and there).  I’m a little worried about my new job, which basically consists of making sure the issue exists twice a year.  That I’m able to gain that kind of trust from smart people seems like silliness.  Time will tell.

I’m going to miss getting to read all the stories we get, even the bad or ridiculous ones.  I’m going to miss finding those gems and getting to shepherd them into print.  I’m going to miss seeming a little haggard and weighed-down all the time (having to read a few dozen submissions a week is a great excuse for why your grading isn’t finished).  I’m also going to miss, in a small, weird way, the heartbreak of knowing that a story isn’t quite enough, that the writer on the other end of my rejection letter is a lot like me, and that even though I wasn’t able to do what they wanted me to do, we still share the same doubts, fears, and dreams.  Maybe it’s not a real or profound connection we share, and maybe I’m just kidding myself to think that we’re all part of a community here, but being on this side of the fence has given me a new perspective on how important storytelling is.    

So.  That’s that.